O Captain! My Captain! Please Come Back, We Need You Now More Than Ever...

The other day over on my Book of Faces, I said that I was going to try and cool it with the political posts. I tried, I really did, but I guess what's been said is true. Politics is like Malaria. Once you've been infected, even if you have a period of remission, you're always going to get re-infected. And it's true. I wanted to keep politics off of this little corner of the internet as much as possible, but I just can't help myself. But at least it's not going to be me ranting about the horrible Shit-Capade that is our current election cycle. Yes, we just finished up what has to be the most odious Republican National Convention in living memory, or at least the worst one since I first became infected with politics. And we've got the Democratic National Convention about to kick off on Monday. Most likely, that will be a circus as well. But anyway, as I said, you're not going to have to read my semi-coherent ramblings on the state of this election. No, I'm going to leave that to a true master, but more on that in a minute.

The landscape of journalism as changed dramatically in the last couple of decades, both in print and on TV. There are no Edward R. Murrows, Walter Cronkites, no H.L. Menckens, no Woodward and Bernsteins, and no Hunter S. Thompsons. And it's a real tragic shame because we need people like them now more than we ever have. The only real bastion left it seems for their kind of fire is the world of Political Satire. Now don't get me wrong, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, Stephen Colbert, Larry Wilmore, and Trevor Noah are great, and they're doing great things. But the man that, in a way, "trained" all of them, their Jedi Master, if you will(See? I brought it back to nerdishness for a sec) has been sadly absent for the last year. And I think that the timing of that fact was unfortunately the worst it could have been, considering what's been going on in the election for the last year.

Well, on Thursday night for 10 glorious minutes, the Master Skywalker(did it again!) of Political Satire returned. After the end of the RNC, Jon Stewart popped up and took over Stephen Colbert's desk on The Late Show and proceeded to show us that even after a year of retirement, he is still the master. Stewart unleashed a blistering attack on Fox News and The Republican Party for their shamelessly hypocritical lauding of Donald Trump for the exact same reasons they claimed to despise President Barack Obama. I won't even bother to try and quote it, Stewart is much better in his own words than I could ever be. If you haven't seen it yet, by all means watch the clip HERE, bask in the awesomeness and fondly remember that time when the sight of a man sitting at a desk scribbling on blue paper struck terror into jackasses on both sides of the aisle.

As awesome as it was, the segment was bittersweet too, because it was most likely a one-time thing. But I'm really hoping that it's not. While I would wish that Stewart would be able to relax and enjoy his retirement, I have a feeling that what's going on has a good chance of driving him back to the desk. We can only speculate on what would be going on if Stewart had been here this whole time. Personally, I'm hoping he would have given Trump a heart-attack by now, or at least an attack in whatever that pump thing is that moves the black sludge through his veins.

Ah, what could have been. But seriously, as great as all of his "Padawans" are, we need Stewart back, at least until the election is done, and the segment on the Late Show showed us exactly why. No one articulates Political Outrage like Jon, and maybe, just maybe, it could shake some people out of their complacency and get them to wake up. We can only dream.

But it's a good dream, and one I'm going to partake in. So, for now, I will just say, O Captain! My Captain! We need you, please come back to us. We'll keep a seat at the desk ready for you.

-Carry On Smartly, My Friends.

Some Thoughts on Ghostbusters 2016: I Ain't 'Fraid of No Reboot...

Ok, I’ll admit that once again, I’m baffled by some ridiculous nonsense that people are doing. Yeah, yeah, I know. Still, it’s puzzling me and really getting on my nerves so I figured that I’d run off at the fingers about it a bit if for no other reason than to get it the hell out of my head. Our topic today? The new Ghostbusters movie. Honestly, I just do NOT get why this thing is getting all the hate it’s getting. Do I think it’s going to be as good as the originals? No, I don’t. Do I think it’s going to suck? Well, maybe, that’s a definite possibility. However, based on what I’ve been hearing from people, that’s not the case at all. Now, I haven’t gotten the chance to see it yet, though I’m sure I will at some point, so as usual, I’m reserving my final judgement until I do. But I will say that at this point, I don’t have any hate for the movie. I don’t have any hate for it as an older geek who prefers the Old Skool to the new, and I DEFINITELY don’t have any hate for it because I’m a guy and the main characters are women. We’ll get into both of those types of hate in a minute and why I think that they’re absolutely re-freakin-diculous. But first, let’s address the third and most odious kind of hate suddenly associated with this movie. The Leslie Jones question.

Now, I’m sure you’ve probably heard earlier today about how Leslie quit Twitter because of all the racist bullshit she was getting bombarded with on there. Yet again, ignorant mouthbreathers have struck and caused a legitimately funny woman to have to distance herself from something so that she’s not being waylaid by jackassery every minute of the day. I don’t have a lot to say about this particular kind of hate because, really what else is there to say about it other than the fact that if you are one of the racist assholes that drove her off Twitter, or if you’re simply a racist asshole in general, at this point I would like to cordially and respectfully invite you to go somewhere quite far away and feel free to roughly fornicate yourself with an iron stick. Go ahead, do it now. Seriously, go. We’re trying to have a civilization here, and you are all surplus to requirements.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into the other two typed of hate the new Ghostbusters reboot is getting. First off, the geek hate. Yeah, it’s just as dumb as the women and racist hating, but I can at least understand this one a little bit. Don’t misunderstand, I don’t condone, but I kinda get it. Whenever a beloved franchise that’s been dormant for a time gets more chapters or a dreaded “Reboot”, it can cause a mixed bag of emotions, especially for geeks, as I’ve noticed with myself and others that certain movies, certain books, certain franchises are building blocks and load-bearing pillars for our future selves.  But on the one hand, there’s a part of you that really excited to see more of, or a fresh take on something that you loved. But then, of course, there’s also the part of you that gets afraid that the new installments or the reboots will “Ruin your childhood”.

I’ll admit that I’ve said that a couple of times, but when I really sat down and thought about I realized that that’s one of the dumbest things said in the long, sad history of dumb things that got said. News flash, kids. The new Ghostbusters is not going to ruin your childhood, and neither is any other new interpretation, addition or reboot of a movie or TV show you loved as a kid. Your childhood is done. It’s in the past. It’s safely locked away in your personal history. The only way that anything can ruin your childhood is if you allow it to happen. It can’t take away what you felt when you watched the original Ghostbusters. That was over 30 years ago. It can’t touch those memories. Those memories are yours, they’re a part of you, and the only way that they can change is if YOU allow them to change and you change them.

Now, do I think that the new Ghostbusters has the potential to be crap? Sure. It’s a reboot, and statistically speaking, reboots tend to be awful, very pale imitations of the original. But from what I’ve been hearing from people I know whose opinions I trust, it’s a lot of fun. Hell, a friend of mine who’s possibly the biggest Ghostbusters freak on the planet gave it a 4 star review, which to me is a pretty ringing endorsement. Based on that, I’m a good deal easier in my mind. So will I see it? Yeah, at some point I’m sure I will. Will I go see it in the theater? Probably not, but that has more to do with the fact that I’m cheap and don’t want to spend 10 bucks to see a movie when I can wait and spend around 2 bucks for it at Redbox and watch it in the comfort of my own home where I don’t have to take out a loan to pay for popcorn, a drink and some candy. Heh. But yeah, I’m sure that at some point I will see it. It might be bad, and if it is, I’ll just go and watch the original Ghostbusters. I might register my opinion that I didn’t like it, but I doubt I’m going to hate on it unless it’s truly terrible. And in that case, I’ll be complaining that the movie was bad, but not that it “Ruined my childhood”, and I certainly won’t be griping about the fact that I hated it because I’m a guy and I’m threated for some ridiculous reason by a movie with 4 female main characters like the Mens’ Rights/Nouveau Masculinism fuckrumpets(pardon the language), and that brings us on to the final stop on our tour of dumbass reasons to hate the new Ghosbusters.

Now, right from the get go, I’ll freely state that I have ABSOUTELY no patience at all for the MR jackasses, and I think that their arguments for why movies starring and focusing on women are complete and utter 100% USDA Grade A Bull Cookies. Let’s not forget that these are the same idiots that said that Mad Max: Fury Road was going to be terrible because it was “too feminist”. Probably mainly because Imperator Furiosa was liberating Immortan Joe’s harem of slave wives/breeders, and they probably didn’t want to see what is probably one of their biggest, most lizard-brained juvenile fantasies spoiled for them on the big screen. Well, witness me, Mens’ Rights idiots, Fury Road was fantastic. I watch, I don’t watch, I watch again!

Anyway, these ignoramuses are back again, honking on about how “Ghostbusters will be RUINED because vagina!!!” I just don’t get why these guys get so fucked off and butt-blasted about movies prominently focused on or mainly starring women. Honestly guys, what the hell are you so afraid of? Is the vagina really THAT scary? What, do you think that you’re going to get bewitched by some kind of strange feminist vagina sorcery, or Vagimancy if you will? I can promise you guys that it’s not going to happen. It’s ok, you can look at the girls. They’re not some kind of weird femal Ark of the Covenant, and they won’t melt your face with Vagimancy, even though you probably deserve it. And even if you were to be ensnared and bewitched with the Vagimancy, is that really such a bad thing, little boys? I mean, I thought as straight guys that we’re supposed to really LIKE that particular section of the female anatomy. Hell, I know that I do. But then, I’m obviously a hopeless thrall to Vagimancy. Oh well. But if you’re going to be, as I said before, that fucked off and butt-blasted about it, then it’s ok. You don’t have to go see the scary girl movie. Go down the hall to Theater 6, there’s a new Bourne movie in there. You’ll be fine. Super-swear, dumbasses.

So yeah, whether you subscribe to the Ruined Childhood fear, or the dark, gripping dread of Vagimancy, then your solution is very simple. Just don’t go and see the damn thing in the first place. I’m relatively certain there’s something else that you can be doing that you’ll probably find more satisfying. And if you are going to blast the film, here’s a crazy idea. How about you actually wait to do that until after you’ve actually SEEN it, instead of just assuming with no real evidence that it’s going to suck and getting up on your soapbox and shaking your tiny fists of rage about something when you actually don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Oh, no wait, never mind. That was an actual logical suggestion, and this is the internet, where there’s absolutely NO place for logic. Sorry, must have lost my head there for a minute. Forget everything I just said. Sorry to have wasted your time.

Carry on smartly, my friends.