Ok, I’ll admit that once again, I’m baffled by some ridiculous nonsense that people are doing. Yeah, yeah, I know. Still, it’s puzzling me and
really getting on my nerves so I figured that I’d run off at the fingers about
it a bit if for no other reason than to get it the hell out of my head. Our
topic today? The new Ghostbusters movie. Honestly, I just do NOT get why this
thing is getting all the hate it’s getting. Do I think it’s going to be as good
as the originals? No, I don’t. Do I think it’s going to suck? Well, maybe, that’s
a definite possibility. However, based on what I’ve been hearing from people,
that’s not the case at all. Now, I haven’t gotten the chance to see it yet,
though I’m sure I will at some point, so as usual, I’m reserving my final
judgement until I do. But I will say that at this point, I don’t have any hate
for the movie. I don’t have any hate for it as an older geek who prefers the
Old Skool to the new, and I DEFINITELY don’t have any hate for it because I’m a
guy and the main characters are women. We’ll get into both of those types of
hate in a minute and why I think that they’re absolutely re-freakin-diculous.
But first, let’s address the third and most odious kind of hate suddenly
associated with this movie. The Leslie Jones question.
Now, I’m sure you’ve probably heard earlier today about how
Leslie quit Twitter because of all the racist bullshit she was getting
bombarded with on there. Yet again, ignorant mouthbreathers have struck and
caused a legitimately funny woman to have to distance herself from something so
that she’s not being waylaid by jackassery every minute of the day. I don’t
have a lot to say about this particular kind of hate because, really what else
is there to say about it other than the fact that if you are one of the racist
assholes that drove her off Twitter, or if you’re simply a racist asshole in
general, at this point I would like to cordially and respectfully invite you to
go somewhere quite far away and feel free to roughly fornicate yourself with an
iron stick. Go ahead, do it now. Seriously, go. We’re trying to have a
civilization here, and you are all surplus to requirements.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into the other two
typed of hate the new Ghostbusters reboot is getting. First off, the geek hate.
Yeah, it’s just as dumb as the women and racist hating, but I can at least
understand this one a little bit. Don’t misunderstand, I don’t condone, but I
kinda get it. Whenever a beloved franchise that’s been dormant for a time gets
more chapters or a dreaded “Reboot”, it can cause a mixed bag of emotions,
especially for geeks, as I’ve noticed with myself and others that certain
movies, certain books, certain franchises are building blocks and load-bearing
pillars for our future selves. But on
the one hand, there’s a part of you that really excited to see more of, or a
fresh take on something that you loved. But then, of course, there’s also the
part of you that gets afraid that the new installments or the reboots will “Ruin
your childhood”.
I’ll admit that I’ve said that a couple of times, but when I
really sat down and thought about I realized that that’s one of the dumbest
things said in the long, sad history of dumb things that got said. News flash,
kids. The new Ghostbusters is not going to ruin your childhood, and neither is
any other new interpretation, addition or reboot of a movie or TV show you
loved as a kid. Your childhood is done. It’s in the past. It’s safely locked
away in your personal history. The only way that anything can ruin your
childhood is if you allow it to happen. It can’t take away what you felt when
you watched the original Ghostbusters. That was over 30 years ago. It can’t
touch those memories. Those memories are yours, they’re a part of you, and the
only way that they can change is if YOU allow them to change and you change
them.
Now, do I think that the new Ghostbusters has the potential
to be crap? Sure. It’s a reboot, and statistically speaking, reboots tend to be
awful, very pale imitations of the original. But from what I’ve been hearing
from people I know whose opinions I trust, it’s a lot of fun. Hell, a friend of
mine who’s possibly the biggest Ghostbusters freak on the planet gave it a 4
star review, which to me is a pretty ringing endorsement. Based on that, I’m a
good deal easier in my mind. So will I see it? Yeah, at some point I’m sure I
will. Will I go see it in the theater? Probably not, but that has more to do
with the fact that I’m cheap and don’t want to spend 10 bucks to see a movie
when I can wait and spend around 2 bucks for it at Redbox and watch it in the
comfort of my own home where I don’t have to take out a loan to pay for
popcorn, a drink and some candy. Heh. But yeah, I’m sure that at some point I
will see it. It might be bad, and if it is, I’ll just go and watch the original
Ghostbusters. I might register my opinion that I didn’t like it, but I doubt I’m
going to hate on it unless it’s truly terrible. And in that case, I’ll be
complaining that the movie was bad, but not that it “Ruined my childhood”, and
I certainly won’t be griping about the fact that I hated it because I’m a guy
and I’m threated for some ridiculous reason by a movie with 4 female main
characters like the Mens’ Rights/Nouveau Masculinism fuckrumpets(pardon the
language), and that brings us on to the final stop on our tour of dumbass
reasons to hate the new Ghosbusters.
Now, right from the get go, I’ll freely state that I have
ABSOUTELY no patience at all for the MR jackasses, and I think that their
arguments for why movies starring and focusing on women are complete and utter
100% USDA Grade A Bull Cookies. Let’s not forget that these are the same idiots
that said that Mad Max: Fury Road was going to be terrible because it was “too
feminist”. Probably mainly because Imperator Furiosa was liberating Immortan
Joe’s harem of slave wives/breeders, and they probably didn’t want to see what
is probably one of their biggest, most lizard-brained juvenile fantasies
spoiled for them on the big screen. Well, witness me, Mens’ Rights idiots, Fury
Road was fantastic. I watch, I don’t watch, I watch again!
Anyway, these ignoramuses are back again, honking on about
how “Ghostbusters will be RUINED because vagina!!!” I just don’t get why these
guys get so fucked off and butt-blasted about movies prominently focused on or
mainly starring women. Honestly guys, what the hell are you so afraid of? Is
the vagina really THAT scary? What, do you think that you’re going to get
bewitched by some kind of strange feminist vagina sorcery, or Vagimancy if you
will? I can promise you guys that it’s not going to happen. It’s ok, you can look
at the girls. They’re not some kind of weird femal Ark of the Covenant, and
they won’t melt your face with Vagimancy, even though you probably deserve it.
And even if you were to be ensnared and bewitched with the Vagimancy, is that
really such a bad thing, little boys? I mean, I thought as straight guys that we’re
supposed to really LIKE that particular section of the female anatomy. Hell, I
know that I do. But then, I’m obviously a hopeless thrall to Vagimancy. Oh
well. But if you’re going to be, as I said before, that fucked off and
butt-blasted about it, then it’s ok. You don’t have to go see the scary girl
movie. Go down the hall to Theater 6, there’s a new Bourne movie in there. You’ll
be fine. Super-swear, dumbasses.
So yeah, whether you subscribe to the Ruined Childhood fear,
or the dark, gripping dread of Vagimancy, then your solution is very simple.
Just don’t go and see the damn thing in the first place. I’m relatively certain
there’s something else that you can be doing that you’ll probably find more
satisfying. And if you are going to blast the film, here’s a crazy idea. How
about you actually wait to do that until after you’ve actually SEEN it, instead
of just assuming with no real evidence that it’s going to suck and getting up
on your soapbox and shaking your tiny fists of rage about something when you
actually don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Oh, no wait, never mind.
That was an actual logical suggestion, and this is the internet, where there’s
absolutely NO place for logic. Sorry, must have lost my head there for a
minute. Forget everything I just said. Sorry to have wasted your time.
Carry on smartly, my friends.
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