Blog Tour stop with Rebekah Jonesy, Author of Moss and Clay...

Hello again, friends. Once more, we journey into the breach of the mind of one of the author folks I know as she's doing a blog tour. Today, our guest is the splendiferous Rebekah Jonesy, and, well, without further ado and/or gilding the lily, let's just go ahead and jump right into it. Take it away, Beks! And, um... Me. 

-So this book of yours, Moss and Clay. Tell us something about it. Justify its existence!! Hehe

Lilian told me to write it. So I did. She made me do it! *sobs*
For reals though, Lilian and I were chatting one day and this concept came up. Of a crafted fae warrior sent to America to sort through all the crazy mixed up ghost stories, urban legends, myths and creepy pasta that exists here and see if any are fae related. Which evolved into this amazing story line and series that I just can’t stop writing.

- So what was it that made you take the boat down the terrifying rainbow tunnel into the world of pure imagination that we call writing?

Reality bites. The worst part is, no one really knows the truth of it either. Instead we all have our own versions, our own perspectives. Ever since I was a little I tried to figure out the why and how of people’s perspectives. My brain always likes to come up with “waht if” (This is why I need Heidi RedPen Angell) situations. And after a time I realized that if I honed those ideas, and got a good editor, I could have a good story of “What if a character like this was put into a situation like that? How would they react? How would the world be influenced? Why would someone end up in a situation like that?” Instead of the random ideas that floated around in my head nonstop that never developed real form on paper.

And to be perfectly honest I wrote my first, and my last, book as a clapback to the 50 shades BS.

-If you could form a literary super-team of authors, each having powers based on what you think their strengths as writers, who would be on your team, what would their powers be, and of course what would you call your team?

My first thought was of course Joshua Robertson. Then I thought about what his power would be and immediately dropped him from the team. I know what he does to heroes. Same with Robert Cano. But…

Lilian, the Sassinator Oake, she adds sass and joy to all the things.

Diane “Revealer” Duane, shows how even the most mundane things like cars can have a magic all their own.

Andy, the Worldbuilder, Peloquin, he can make anything epic and fit together.

R.A. “Righteous Attitude” Salvatore, makes sure all the heroes are on righteous paths.

Anais Babygirl Chartschenko to bring heart, love, and feeling to all the works.

And of course Heidi “RedPen” Angell, to make sure all the words are right and true.

By their powers combined, they are Script Squad.

I think I had a book geekgasm just thinking about that. *shivers*

-What would your ideal writing cave look like? Old Irish pub? Room in the Library of Alexandria? An actual cave? Set the scene!

I already have this planned out. I live on 5 acres of mostly wooded property. About ⅔ of the way back there is a natural clearing. It’s surrounded by cedars, poison ivy, and trilliums of all things. It’s half in shade, half in sun because of the tree canopy. I want to build a writing cave in the middle of that. It will have giant barn doors, a clear roof that retracts or folds back. It will have a bench with a thick cushion to lay on and tons of pillows and that awesome 360 desk that is completely adjustable and holds your keyboard and everything in place no matter how you set it. And of course a massive 5 gallon coffee maker, bar, fridge, and microwave for food.

-If you were granted the chance to retire in the fictional book world of your choice and live out your days there, where would I have to go to come visit you and get you to make me some coffee? Hehe

Midkemia, one of Feist’s worlds in the Riftwar saga. I like the balance he created with his world and cultures. The magic system is also amazing and I would hope I would have some magic ability. Also, dragons.  But not your normal dragons. Oh no. These are dragons that evolve as they age. Not to mention they have coffee and cigarettes there. hehe

-So apart from being a writer, what’s something else that the folks at home should know about you?

I am one hell of a cook. For the last few years, since I moved back down to near sea level, I have been experimenting with cakes. I make super awesome cakes now. I used to run a catering gig to a Naval base too. And pilots would find reasons to land at the base to get some of my food. It caused quite an issue. But the officers were also stopping by to get food so we never got in trouble for it. Quite a few people have told me that I should open a catering business because my party food is off the chain.

-Marvel or DC. Which is best in life?

As comics I prefer Marvel. The story lines and stories were on point. The characters were well developed and complex. They often touched on real world issues, including ones that were hard to deal with. Sadly, the movies do not live up to that. The characters are all wrong. I don’t think any of the actors even read the comics that the movies were based on. For sure the directors didn’t. It’s just very sad and really pisses me off that they got so much wrong.

So as movies I would say DC. Just because they held true to the original characters and stories a little bit better.

-When the Doubt Mongols come screaming over the horizon, what do you do to vanquish them and keep yourself motivated?

Put on my cranky or sassy pants. I have three older siblings.  I’m used to being criticized and doubted. It stopped bothering me a long time ago. So when doubt pops up, I ignore what it says and bang out even better work. If anything it motivates me to do better every time.

-If you listen to music while you write, what sort of music lives in your writing playlist to make your brain rawk out?

I actually don’t listen to music. Or anything. I put on noise cancelling headphones and kinda bebop to the story in my head.

-Anything else coming soon from your fingers and brain?

All kinds of stuff. I have a bdsm billionaire romance coming out that mocks 50 shades. It’s already written and just needs finishing touches on covers and whatnot. I am finishing up writing book 2 of Mab’s Doll. I have a few short stories I plan to write. Some about Gillian of Mab’s Doll, some are a new silly thing I am playing with I am calling unRomances. I take “romantic” tropes and stereotypes and see how they would play out in real world situations. I’ll give you a hint, a lot of people end up getting slapped, dumped, and having charges filed. For that I will probably set up a Patreon account so I have someplace useful to post it all. And of course gobs of reading for research and fun. I have a readers group, Bekah’s Books,  and we’re about to start discussing urban legends and their origins. I’m really excited to see what people from different regions have as their local stories.

-Let us know where people can find you on the Interwebz so that we can bombard you with Words With Friends and Candy Crush requests.

You can find me at any of these places

https://twitter.com/dirtyrjonesy

https://www.facebook.com/authorRebekahJonesy/

http://rebekahjonesy.blogspot.com/

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8292001.Rebekah_Jonesy

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/RebekahJonesy

http://www.amazon.com/Rebekah-Jonesy/e/B00NQ5Z1CS

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1214371635362864/

 Or sign up for my Newsletter to get it all condensed and delivered to you.

-Say good night, Rebekah.

Good night, Rebekah.

Awesome, thanks, Beks! So that's going to do it for another blog tour stop(I need to come up with a better name for these things. heh). Thanks to Rebekah Jonesy for stopping by, and thanks to all of you for stopping by. Be sure to check out Beks' book, follow her on the Interwebz, read the book leave a review, generally be cool. Heh. Join us again, at some point probably, for a blog tour stop. In the mean time, I'll probably be rambling about random topics. So we've got that going for us, which is nice.

Carry on Smartly, My Friends.

Blog Tour Stop: A Chat with Amanda Mabry, Author of Darker Daze...

Welcome to the first of what will hopefully become many interviews with some of the truly kickass indy author folks that I know. Today, we're talking to Amanda Mabry, author of the recently released short fiction collection Darker Daze. Without any further guilding the lily, let's get to it!

-Tell us a bit about Darker Daze

Darker Daze is collection of short stories that share a theme of suffering, told from various perspectives. Each story is gut gripping in it’s on way and is meant to give voice to the voiceless. The fact is, not everyone gets a happy ending. That’s real life. A lot of people get the extreme opposite of happy endings and their stories are important too.

-So what made you decide to get into this tilting at windmills that we call writing?

I have always loved writing but I strayed and stumbled back to it. Throughout my teaching career I was using my writing without even thinking about it. I wrote stories, and songs, and even a whole curriculum. Then, when I was struggling with being a special needs parenting I discovered the special needs blogging community. From there I found fiction writing prompts and then a group and BAM, here we are.

-If you could hang out with any other author, living or dead, who would it be?

My knee jerk answer would be Stephen King but honestly, it would be Lovecraft. They both have a writing style the is so like the way my mind works. I would love to really interrogate them and find those few key details that separate my writing from theirs. (Theirs being amazingly phenomenal and mine being...mine.)

-What’s your normal writing process like? Where do you usually write? Sitting in a castle tower room lit by one candle as the breeze fetchingly blows your hair back? Starbucks?

I write when and where I have the opportunity. Sometimes, but rarely, that is actually sitting at my desk in my home office. We’ll call it a castle for clarity. But, more often it typing while curled up on the couch or in bed. SOmetimes, it is using a voice recorder or dictation while in my kayak..or in the shower...or grocery shopping. My life is literally so crazy busy I will take whatever I can get!

-What’s one thing that people should know about you?

The one thing people should know is that I cannot think of impressive or interesting facts about myself under pressure.

-When you’re afflicted with a severe case of ButtOnSofa, how do you break yourself out of it and get back to work?

Is this similar to DepressionInBed? If so, I usually hit the point of panic where I realize I risk losing everything I have worked for and start working on digging myself out of the hole I created.

-When your brain decides to be a jerk and let the evil Kobolds of Doubt whisper in your ear that, “YOUUU SUUUUCCCKKK!! YOU WRITE CRAAAAAP!!!” what do you do to get them to shut their filthy mouths and go away?

Wait, you can do that? I mostly just argue with them and try to write over their annoyingly high pitched voices. Seriously, I live with Imposter Syndrome daily. I am pretty sure what is epic in my head is crap in theory but I keep trying.

-What fictional characters would you put on your Zombie/Monster Hunting team?

Buffy Ann Summers, Dean Winchester, Scooby Doo, Rupert Giles, and Piper Halliwell.

-If you could spend a two-week vacation in a fictional universe of your choice, which one?

I really WANT to say the Hellmouth but that would probably be a super stressful vacation, no? Let’s go with Avalon.

-Anything coming up soon from your lovely brain and writing fingers?

I am currently working on two pressing projects both due out this fall. One is a Cinderella reimagining. Cinder Baby paints poor Cindy as a desperate victim of the cruel Prince Charming. Will the Stable Boy seal or fate or change it? This short story will be in OWS Ink’s 2018 Anthology, Class & Ashes. Also, I am working on rewrites for Soul Purge. It was slated for release this Spring but we found a glaring plot hole that had to be rectified. So, it will be epic and it will be released during my Birthday Bash Bonanza in October.

-Anything else you’d like to plug?

I would like to thank all the wonderful people at the academy...wait...no...um, all the people at OWS Ink who help make dreams come true every day and who promised me a puppy for shouting them out!

-Say good night, Amanda.

Good night, Amanda.

*whispers* Also, visit me at http://authoralmabry.com to find all my social media channels and keep up with my consistently inconsistent workflow!

Well, there you have it, folks. Many thanks to Amanda for letting me put her in the lukewarm seat today. Hehe. Go check out Darker Daze in spots such as Amazon, Smashwords, and Goodreads, and be sure to follow Amanda on all your favorite social media apparati.

Review of Kings of the Wyld by Nicholas Eames: One Does Not Simply Rock Into Mordor

Kings of the Wyld is the debut fantasy novel by Nicholas Eames, and it's awesome. In the universe of Kings of the Wyld, mercenary bands share the same status that rock stars have in our world. The story focuses on one of the most legendary merc bands of all time, Saga. When the story opens, Clay Cooper, one of the members of Saga is living a quiet life, settled down in the town of Coverdale with his wife and daughter. Out of nowhere, Clay's old bandmate Gage shows up begging for Clay's help. Gabe wants Clay to come with him to try and save Gabe's daughter Rose, who is trapped in a city on the other side of the nightmare forest, the Heartwyld by a gigantic horde of monsters. Initially reluctant, Clay agrees to go with Gabe and try to help, but first they're going to have to go and try to track down the other members of Saga if they're going to have any chance of getting through the Heartwyld and rescung Rose. It's time to get the band back together.

Kings of he Wyld is a great breath of fresh air in a time when so much fantasy seems to be of the more "realistic" or "Grimdark" bent. KoW is definitely not in that vein at all. The more rock and roll feel of the book is a nice change of pace. The overall story is a fairly standard, "Small, elite group tries to accomplish a seemingly impossible goal" storyline, but Nicholas Eames tells it wonderfully and shows that even something that could be considered a "trope" can be extremely enjoyable when it's put in the hands of a capable storyteller. Besides the fantastic action sequences all throughout the book, dialogue and the characters is what will really keep you engaged and reading. And KoW is chock full of great characters. Not just he main members of Saga, but many of the backup characters like Jaine and the Silk Arrows, Larkspur, Gregor and Dane, and even the book's main villain Lastleaf, and there are many more. Also, a great thing about the book is the fact that Eames has taken pretty much any monster a DnD fan could want to see and thrown it in here just for the fun of it. Plus, Owlbears. Yes, there are multiple Owlbear references in this book. That alone, in my less than humble opinion should win Nick Eames some kind of award.

Kings of the Wyld is simply, from first page to last, an awesome story. It's great to be reminded that a fantasy story doesn't HAVE to be realistic. Kings of the Wyld definitely isn't. There are Deus Ex Machinas and magical cheats peppered liberally throughout the book. To be honest, I'm a little surprised that Gabe, Clay or any of the other characters didn't use some fnatasy novel version of the Contra Code to get something done. Don't take that as a criticism. Sometimes fun is just fun, and a fantasy novel doesn't have to be serious and dour. One of the best things about Kings of the Wyld is the very fact that it doesn't take itself too seriously. It's almost like reading a transcript of a great DnD session with your nerdy friends and that's spectacular.

Kings of the Wyld. The Boys are back in town. Go see 'em.

\m/\m/\m/\m/\m/
5 Metal Hands out of 5.

Writer Problems: When Ideas Won't Shut Up

So, I now have the Blogger app on my phone. I forsee problems with this. Well, maybe not problems so much as an increased productivity here in my little corner of the Blog-o-sphere(that's good!), but perhaps a bit of a decrease in my productivity at my 9 to 5(that's bad!). Well, maybe If I promise really REALLY seriously to myself, honest to goodness, nofoolin' to only blog when things are slow. Yeah, I'm sure that will work out. Totally. Hehe.

Anyway, today's little ramble is on a topic I'm sure several writers have experienced. One that does happen to me from time to time, the idea that just won't shut up. Yeah, I know. I can hear you other writers out there. "Oh poor YOU! You have an idea that actually wants you to work on it! How terrible!" Believe me, I'm not angling for sympathy here. I guess I just felt like addressing the phenomenon, because it seems like a largely writer exclusive brain issue. Anyway, here's what's going on in my weird writer brain.

Awhile back, I had an idea for what I refer to as a Rollicking Steampunk Adventure Tale, basically a story about, let's call it Sky Pirates of the Caribbean. Or, I should say that I had a beginning scene, but that was about it. I wracked my brain for awhile, trying to figure out what the story actually was, but I just couldn't crack it. So, I put it on the back burner, figuring I'd get back to it at some point and focused on other things. Well yesterday, out of nowhere, I figured out what the story is. While that's great, the idea has been somewhat rude, diving in front of my other ideas and DEMANDED my attention.  Again, not necessarily a bad thing. I can get back to work on a story I want to write, and the thing requires some research on Caribbean Pirates. Or at least that's the excuse I'm using to read Under the Black Flag by David Cordingly, which I've wanted to read for awhile(Hey! Research! Heh) and to play Assassins Creed: Black Flag. Because, you know, style research is important. Come to think of it, I should probably re-watch the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie too. You can never have too much style research, after all. Hehe.

So my question is this, to my other writer friends. How do you react when an idea gets uppity like this? Do you take my approach and spoil your idea rotten by giving it all the attention it demands, or are you able to tell your idea, "NO! Naighty idea! You sit there and wait your turn!" Or do you go a third way? Let me know in the comments if you're so inclined. Either way, happy writing! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go help Edward Kenway plunder a Spanish ship. Style research. Hehe.

Carry On Smartly, My Friends.

O Captain! My Captain! Please Come Back, We Need You Now More Than Ever...

The other day over on my Book of Faces, I said that I was going to try and cool it with the political posts. I tried, I really did, but I guess what's been said is true. Politics is like Malaria. Once you've been infected, even if you have a period of remission, you're always going to get re-infected. And it's true. I wanted to keep politics off of this little corner of the internet as much as possible, but I just can't help myself. But at least it's not going to be me ranting about the horrible Shit-Capade that is our current election cycle. Yes, we just finished up what has to be the most odious Republican National Convention in living memory, or at least the worst one since I first became infected with politics. And we've got the Democratic National Convention about to kick off on Monday. Most likely, that will be a circus as well. But anyway, as I said, you're not going to have to read my semi-coherent ramblings on the state of this election. No, I'm going to leave that to a true master, but more on that in a minute.

The landscape of journalism as changed dramatically in the last couple of decades, both in print and on TV. There are no Edward R. Murrows, Walter Cronkites, no H.L. Menckens, no Woodward and Bernsteins, and no Hunter S. Thompsons. And it's a real tragic shame because we need people like them now more than we ever have. The only real bastion left it seems for their kind of fire is the world of Political Satire. Now don't get me wrong, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, Stephen Colbert, Larry Wilmore, and Trevor Noah are great, and they're doing great things. But the man that, in a way, "trained" all of them, their Jedi Master, if you will(See? I brought it back to nerdishness for a sec) has been sadly absent for the last year. And I think that the timing of that fact was unfortunately the worst it could have been, considering what's been going on in the election for the last year.

Well, on Thursday night for 10 glorious minutes, the Master Skywalker(did it again!) of Political Satire returned. After the end of the RNC, Jon Stewart popped up and took over Stephen Colbert's desk on The Late Show and proceeded to show us that even after a year of retirement, he is still the master. Stewart unleashed a blistering attack on Fox News and The Republican Party for their shamelessly hypocritical lauding of Donald Trump for the exact same reasons they claimed to despise President Barack Obama. I won't even bother to try and quote it, Stewart is much better in his own words than I could ever be. If you haven't seen it yet, by all means watch the clip HERE, bask in the awesomeness and fondly remember that time when the sight of a man sitting at a desk scribbling on blue paper struck terror into jackasses on both sides of the aisle.

As awesome as it was, the segment was bittersweet too, because it was most likely a one-time thing. But I'm really hoping that it's not. While I would wish that Stewart would be able to relax and enjoy his retirement, I have a feeling that what's going on has a good chance of driving him back to the desk. We can only speculate on what would be going on if Stewart had been here this whole time. Personally, I'm hoping he would have given Trump a heart-attack by now, or at least an attack in whatever that pump thing is that moves the black sludge through his veins.

Ah, what could have been. But seriously, as great as all of his "Padawans" are, we need Stewart back, at least until the election is done, and the segment on the Late Show showed us exactly why. No one articulates Political Outrage like Jon, and maybe, just maybe, it could shake some people out of their complacency and get them to wake up. We can only dream.

But it's a good dream, and one I'm going to partake in. So, for now, I will just say, O Captain! My Captain! We need you, please come back to us. We'll keep a seat at the desk ready for you.

-Carry On Smartly, My Friends.

Some Thoughts on Ghostbusters 2016: I Ain't 'Fraid of No Reboot...

Ok, I’ll admit that once again, I’m baffled by some ridiculous nonsense that people are doing. Yeah, yeah, I know. Still, it’s puzzling me and really getting on my nerves so I figured that I’d run off at the fingers about it a bit if for no other reason than to get it the hell out of my head. Our topic today? The new Ghostbusters movie. Honestly, I just do NOT get why this thing is getting all the hate it’s getting. Do I think it’s going to be as good as the originals? No, I don’t. Do I think it’s going to suck? Well, maybe, that’s a definite possibility. However, based on what I’ve been hearing from people, that’s not the case at all. Now, I haven’t gotten the chance to see it yet, though I’m sure I will at some point, so as usual, I’m reserving my final judgement until I do. But I will say that at this point, I don’t have any hate for the movie. I don’t have any hate for it as an older geek who prefers the Old Skool to the new, and I DEFINITELY don’t have any hate for it because I’m a guy and the main characters are women. We’ll get into both of those types of hate in a minute and why I think that they’re absolutely re-freakin-diculous. But first, let’s address the third and most odious kind of hate suddenly associated with this movie. The Leslie Jones question.

Now, I’m sure you’ve probably heard earlier today about how Leslie quit Twitter because of all the racist bullshit she was getting bombarded with on there. Yet again, ignorant mouthbreathers have struck and caused a legitimately funny woman to have to distance herself from something so that she’s not being waylaid by jackassery every minute of the day. I don’t have a lot to say about this particular kind of hate because, really what else is there to say about it other than the fact that if you are one of the racist assholes that drove her off Twitter, or if you’re simply a racist asshole in general, at this point I would like to cordially and respectfully invite you to go somewhere quite far away and feel free to roughly fornicate yourself with an iron stick. Go ahead, do it now. Seriously, go. We’re trying to have a civilization here, and you are all surplus to requirements.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into the other two typed of hate the new Ghostbusters reboot is getting. First off, the geek hate. Yeah, it’s just as dumb as the women and racist hating, but I can at least understand this one a little bit. Don’t misunderstand, I don’t condone, but I kinda get it. Whenever a beloved franchise that’s been dormant for a time gets more chapters or a dreaded “Reboot”, it can cause a mixed bag of emotions, especially for geeks, as I’ve noticed with myself and others that certain movies, certain books, certain franchises are building blocks and load-bearing pillars for our future selves.  But on the one hand, there’s a part of you that really excited to see more of, or a fresh take on something that you loved. But then, of course, there’s also the part of you that gets afraid that the new installments or the reboots will “Ruin your childhood”.

I’ll admit that I’ve said that a couple of times, but when I really sat down and thought about I realized that that’s one of the dumbest things said in the long, sad history of dumb things that got said. News flash, kids. The new Ghostbusters is not going to ruin your childhood, and neither is any other new interpretation, addition or reboot of a movie or TV show you loved as a kid. Your childhood is done. It’s in the past. It’s safely locked away in your personal history. The only way that anything can ruin your childhood is if you allow it to happen. It can’t take away what you felt when you watched the original Ghostbusters. That was over 30 years ago. It can’t touch those memories. Those memories are yours, they’re a part of you, and the only way that they can change is if YOU allow them to change and you change them.

Now, do I think that the new Ghostbusters has the potential to be crap? Sure. It’s a reboot, and statistically speaking, reboots tend to be awful, very pale imitations of the original. But from what I’ve been hearing from people I know whose opinions I trust, it’s a lot of fun. Hell, a friend of mine who’s possibly the biggest Ghostbusters freak on the planet gave it a 4 star review, which to me is a pretty ringing endorsement. Based on that, I’m a good deal easier in my mind. So will I see it? Yeah, at some point I’m sure I will. Will I go see it in the theater? Probably not, but that has more to do with the fact that I’m cheap and don’t want to spend 10 bucks to see a movie when I can wait and spend around 2 bucks for it at Redbox and watch it in the comfort of my own home where I don’t have to take out a loan to pay for popcorn, a drink and some candy. Heh. But yeah, I’m sure that at some point I will see it. It might be bad, and if it is, I’ll just go and watch the original Ghostbusters. I might register my opinion that I didn’t like it, but I doubt I’m going to hate on it unless it’s truly terrible. And in that case, I’ll be complaining that the movie was bad, but not that it “Ruined my childhood”, and I certainly won’t be griping about the fact that I hated it because I’m a guy and I’m threated for some ridiculous reason by a movie with 4 female main characters like the Mens’ Rights/Nouveau Masculinism fuckrumpets(pardon the language), and that brings us on to the final stop on our tour of dumbass reasons to hate the new Ghosbusters.

Now, right from the get go, I’ll freely state that I have ABSOUTELY no patience at all for the MR jackasses, and I think that their arguments for why movies starring and focusing on women are complete and utter 100% USDA Grade A Bull Cookies. Let’s not forget that these are the same idiots that said that Mad Max: Fury Road was going to be terrible because it was “too feminist”. Probably mainly because Imperator Furiosa was liberating Immortan Joe’s harem of slave wives/breeders, and they probably didn’t want to see what is probably one of their biggest, most lizard-brained juvenile fantasies spoiled for them on the big screen. Well, witness me, Mens’ Rights idiots, Fury Road was fantastic. I watch, I don’t watch, I watch again!

Anyway, these ignoramuses are back again, honking on about how “Ghostbusters will be RUINED because vagina!!!” I just don’t get why these guys get so fucked off and butt-blasted about movies prominently focused on or mainly starring women. Honestly guys, what the hell are you so afraid of? Is the vagina really THAT scary? What, do you think that you’re going to get bewitched by some kind of strange feminist vagina sorcery, or Vagimancy if you will? I can promise you guys that it’s not going to happen. It’s ok, you can look at the girls. They’re not some kind of weird femal Ark of the Covenant, and they won’t melt your face with Vagimancy, even though you probably deserve it. And even if you were to be ensnared and bewitched with the Vagimancy, is that really such a bad thing, little boys? I mean, I thought as straight guys that we’re supposed to really LIKE that particular section of the female anatomy. Hell, I know that I do. But then, I’m obviously a hopeless thrall to Vagimancy. Oh well. But if you’re going to be, as I said before, that fucked off and butt-blasted about it, then it’s ok. You don’t have to go see the scary girl movie. Go down the hall to Theater 6, there’s a new Bourne movie in there. You’ll be fine. Super-swear, dumbasses.

So yeah, whether you subscribe to the Ruined Childhood fear, or the dark, gripping dread of Vagimancy, then your solution is very simple. Just don’t go and see the damn thing in the first place. I’m relatively certain there’s something else that you can be doing that you’ll probably find more satisfying. And if you are going to blast the film, here’s a crazy idea. How about you actually wait to do that until after you’ve actually SEEN it, instead of just assuming with no real evidence that it’s going to suck and getting up on your soapbox and shaking your tiny fists of rage about something when you actually don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Oh, no wait, never mind. That was an actual logical suggestion, and this is the internet, where there’s absolutely NO place for logic. Sorry, must have lost my head there for a minute. Forget everything I just said. Sorry to have wasted your time.

Carry on smartly, my friends. 

Don't Hail HYDRA-Cap, Hashbrown, NotMyCaptain...

By now, you've probably heard about the big ERMAHHGEHRD thing that Marvel dropped today. Captain America, as it turns out, has been a HYDRA double agent the whole time, since he was a kid, actually, and being a Good Guy has been a really, REALLY long con. Many of you are probably Nerd Raging right now, or are sunk on the floor wailing and gnashing your teeth.

So at the risk of being redundant, I figured I'd share my feelings on this whole Captain America shenanigan that exploded on the intarwebz today. I'll say straight off the bat that here there be spoilers. Fairly warned be ye, says I.

So, I went over to my local purveyor of funny books because I did want to take a look at Steve Rogers: Captain America #1. No, I didn't buy it, I didn't give it a full read. I pretty much just flipped to the last few pages to read The Twist. So there's a captured scientist who I assume worked for HYDRA and Jack Flag was supposed to be off supporting another hero, Cap told him to do that, but he decide Cap needed help. Cap says he regrets that Jack did that, then proceeds to throw him out of the plane they're in, presumably killing him before turning to the scientist and saying Hail HYDRA. There's a comics voiceover going on too, but I don't know if it was Cap, or someone else or what. Honestly, I didn't care that much. I still don't. And what I mean is, I don't care to know the story. After reading that, I put the issue back, shook my head and went and bought an issue of Howard the Duck and 2 issues of The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl.

Now, I'm not going to sit here and stoke myself up into a frothing nerd rage about this. Don't get me wrong, I REALLY don't like it. I've always really liked Captain America, and one of the things I liked the most was that unlike pretty much every other Marvel Character, he wasn't carrying around steamer trunks full of emotional baggage. He was a hero because he's a good guy at his most basic level. He wants to help, he wants to save people. Now to have Marvel tell me, "Nope, he's been a bad guy the WHOLE time, just fuckin with ya!" Well, to me that just feels like a giant middle finger. A gimmick that they're doing because they think that Captain America needs to go "Dark" to stay relevant. Yeah, don't think so, House of Ideas. This is a DUMB idea.

Like I said, I'm not going to beat my fists, I'm not going to stoke myself up into a towering nerd rage, and I'm not going to say "BLEAARRRRGH!! ME BOYCOTT MARVEL FOREVER!" Nah. I mean, I probably won't be reading any more Captain America any time soon, at least not Steve Rogers because I just think that this is a damn stupid idea. Yeah, I can see how people are pissed about this. Like I said, I don't like it either. But my feeling is, instead of raging on the internet, just vote with your dollars. Stop talking about it, stop freaking out, stop buying it. And if you really hate the idea of HYDRACap, don't worry too much. If this storyline remains this reviled and hated, it looks like Marvel's next universe reboot is only a few short months away. So yeah, just ignore it for now, True Believers, and I'd say it's got a good chance of going away before too long.

Carry on smartly, Dear Friends.